I need a break

I must need a vacation. I can't think of any other reason why I'm losing it so easily this week, or why I feel so discombobulated.

I lost a $20 bill at breakfast. I went to Virlie's to get breakfast, coffee and use the internet. I must have been there nearly three hours working on a sales presentation. When I went to pay with the only cash I had it wasnt there. I looked for it, no luck. This may have been the worst part of my day, just the little thing to set me off.

Also, they've decided the new community college and library needs a traffic circle- outside my driveway! Good for real estate investment perhaps- especially since it will bring the downtown atmosphere westward to my house- but 120 days of detour. There is no traffic from my street south. So I can't go into downtown, can't run my usual three mile route, can't go directly to the dog sitters. And there's construction noise, which is a trade off for the usual tractor trailer logging truck noise.

I've got two fire trucks on the table. I can't tell you how much I need to sell these. I have the perfect opportunity to do so: E-One has given plenty of concession to make the price as low as possible on an aerial truck, and the other one could be an exact replica of one that is being delivered to the shop this week. Seeing is believing and being able to show a department the exact truck they want is the best sales tool. But as I learned with my no-deal $800k contract: it doesn't really matter, they will buy whatever they want and it probably won't be mine.

CHFD is really messing with me these days. I'm pretty upset about it now that I've thought abot the entire scope of it. Lately I've done everything and more to be a good driver/operator (classes, practice in the evenings, pushing myself to learn more than average, asking questions to everyone, dissecting trucks...) I had promised Vence I'd put my nose to the grindstone and be the next driver on his shift. I pushed myself because I didn't want to be complacent as a lever puller, I actually wanted to excel at driving and pumping. When I was ready and put on my big girl panties and quit being scared of the test, I told him I was ready to take it.
What do I get back?
"Ok you can drive to EMS calls"'
THIS IS LIKE STEP TWO OF DRIVING. I WANTED TO FINISH THE PROCESS!
Because at this point its my pride. I would be the only female driving. I would be a master firefighter and get a raise. I would prove that I am one of the better relief drivers on the road. Now they've set me back at the beginning because the "training chief" has picked up driver training and created a new "system" (Btw, he has also already dropped it -leaving me where I am now)

What else?
The iPhone is broken. No, People, its not because I can't take care of anything. Its because I live a life well lived.
The house smells terrible. I have to get a new carpet.
My herbs are growing. Believe it or not.
Thank God I'm getting my hair done (at Leon's beauty school) on Friday. I need a boost.
Loved meeing Cooper and seeing all my nephews.

Conclusions....
I don't think its just a coincidence that these terrible moments come after days of separation from my dogs. And, at least I don't put my mother in the ground tomorrow all by myself at 23, like Eleni.

She burned down. My guess is the walls would fall if the scafolding wasn't there. The clock tower fell about 1:30 am that night of the fire. I think they are trying to save it since it was built in 1881.
Wish I had been there. I was at CHFD.


-- Post From My iPhone

Spring

When I left for work yesterday these trees were not like this. Time to mow and plant (no flowers, just a window box of herbs)


-- Post From My iPhone

Day Two

So far, so good.
I got out on the bike for the first ride of the season, rode like a champ too. I thought the first ride out was going to be very hard and so I planned to make it short and easy.I picked a familiar route. I kept an eye on my watch on the way out and always doubled the time so I knew when I would get back to the car. At fifteen minutes I felt like I was moving along just fine, at twenty same thing, at twenty five and thirty too- although at thirty I turned around because I ran out of road. Charlie came with me, over the winter he got a bike off of craigslist, bought shoes and shorts, a helmet -the whole nine yards- spent a good deal of money and time all so he could support me and spend time doing something I like. He did well too, I never thought he'd make it. I'll test him with some hills after a few more rides. 17.4 miles 62 minutes Farrington Road
This morning I stopped in at the local crossfit gym, which is right in the center of town. I only finally decided to go in after sitting at breakfast next to the owner/trainer. This scruffy, unassuming man comes in and orders a breakfast burrito loaded with cheese and sausage (I'm thinking "what a heartattack" compared to my spinach/tomato omelet), turns out he is the crossfit trainer. Talked to him about injuries, intensity, balance...all sorts of fun things. Charlie had never heard of it and now is really interested. It was fun, I think I'll try it after a couple of months more on my own.
Did some running in the rain tonight down the American Tobacco Trail. Took the dogs out with us and did 48 minutes and 4 miles, they were annoying as heck. I wish they would run better then I would run with them all the time, but Lacey pulls until she is choking and Sam swerves back and forth in front of me.

Stats
5.5 pounds down
21.5 to go....damn
More energy and enthusiasm for the day but exhausted at night.

Day One

How many times do I have to get back up on this horse?

This week I've been in the gym on cardio machines, laps in the pool, running the hill outside the station, lifting some weights, I've got spinach and egg whites, chicken and broccoli, and I got all my "pre" numbers documented. But it sure is frustrating to find myself here at the beginning of every Spring. It was/is a long, cold, wet winter- the kind that made me wear nothing but sweats and hide inside eatting comfort foods. Not to mention convenience played a huge factor since I was home so little to cook and workout. So I found myself with two choices: never wash and dry my jeans again or lose weight....The good news is that I am starting earlier than I usually do.

The triathlons and races I am anticipating:

Tarheel Ten Miler -April 11

Southern Village Sprint Tri- July 25

Lake Lure Sprint Tri- August 28

Pinehurst Olympic Tri- October

I forgot how much I enjoy a good sweat, I definitely really enjoyed my first swim too. It feels good to be back at it, and I'm really looking forward to doing well in the races.

I am also remotivated at work since I moved stations. I'm at four now, and even though they don't run any calls its just a much better atmosphere out there. Back with Lt Boone he lets me do what I want to and need to do. I should be getting checked off to drive, lord I hope this happens soon. Its been a pain in my ass since everyone wanted to talk about it more than actually have me train to do it, therein lies my problem.

Furniture

I bought new bedroom furniture today. Finally! I feel like a grown up with grown up furniture and a real honest-to-goodness headboard. Its pretty big for a little room, but its a nice dark finish with an oversized mirror and lots of useful storage. I have my clothes off the floor and took the chair out of the room so there is no longer a landing zone for "wear it again, its not totally dirty" clothes. The furniture is Universal, a discontinued line though. I bit the bullet and bought some quality stuff hopefully to last a long time. I love it.
Still need a sofa, almost got one today too, but that store wouldn't bargain with me on the price. After sitting on some faux leather, I know I want real leather. Fabrics are not an option in this house, even if I never let the dogs put a paw on it it will get dirty- especially the edges where they would walk past and rub.
I put my nightstands on craigslist and got some cash for them, perhaps should have put a higher price on them, but the lady was super nice and appreciative. (Funny thing, I delivered them and found it interesting there was a BMW, Jaguar, and Audi in the driveway, everyone likes a bargain in a recession)

Other than that I tried to spend the day deep cleaning: did multiple loads of laundry, swept, vacuumed, mopped, toilet scrubbed, took trash out, dusted and polished all the furniture. Still didn't even get to picking up poop, washing bird crap off my porch, or to the gym.

Also, found my new favorite breakfast spot. Virlies right downtown serves a really good breakfast, I had a pancake and eggs and sweet tea today, I read the paper and said hi to my old boss and the firemen. If anyone comes to visit be sure we go to breakfast there. Then probably the Goat place in Fearrington. Yum!

bad day

I cried my first big bad cry after a call last night.

We got up from dinner to "assist EMS at birthing center". I thought that place just did la maz, maybe some fertility dances, but apparently they deliver there. And, assisting EMS usually entails lifting some fat ass off the ground. Not this time. We pull up and see the back doors of the ambulance open with one medic, one EMT, and one provisional EMT. But you can't see the patient. She was tiny, a just born little girl getting two-finger compressions onto her tiny chest with a teeny tube down her throat laying on a big yellow stretcher.
Bill told Mel and I to go do our thing, he got in the driver seat of the ambulance and we hauled ass to the ER. Mel was awesome, for still being relatively new she really holds her shit together, she got right in there to do compressions while I sat at the foot of the stretcher getting out supplies. The medic radioed into the ER, didn't even wait for a response: "coming in hot, with neo-natal code, any one who copies standby..." Together we put a tiny pulse oximeter wrapped around her foot to measure oxygen in her blood stream, the medic put a tiny tube down her throat to suction merconium out of her lungs, and the EMT drilled a tiny drill into her shin marrow to deliver meds. We pulled into the ER, that trip was the fastest and longest 3 minutes of my life. I felt like I couldn't do enough, it wasn't my job true, but I just hated not being able to help more. Every once in a while I would hear something, I suppose it was the suction pulling crude from her lungs, but I would get my hopes that she was just going to cough and start crying right there in the ambulance. She never did. At the ER there must have been twenty people-doctors, nurses, neo-natal team, volunteers, UNC air care- waiting for us. They wanted information on the baby, we didn't have any. Its not like we were going to stop and ask mom what they decided to name her. Mom and Dad were still back at the birthing center, crying about their new baby getting whisked off by the ambulance.
My crew was mad about the call, I just couldn't be though. They were mad at the birthing center; saying they should have their licenses revoked and why are parents so stupid to deliver there. This isn't this crew's first trip there. Apparently Mel has seen two or three like this. She cried in the truck on the way back to the station, Bill and Jim were quiet until they were mad, I cried downstairs before going back up to dinner. Charlie was coming by for a plate and he let me bury my head on his shoulder-he has seen it all too many times himself. Boone called after a while to make sure we were ok, that man has a heart as big as, well, him.
The doctors and nurses did their thing, the baby is alive in the NICU this morning. No telling how much damage was done but pray she will be healthy.

I've been really lucky when it comes to this stuff, I think that someone is protecting me from seeing and dealing with more than I can handle. But this was my first call that got to me, the one where I had to shake my head in the middle of it and tell myself to stay calm: it wasn't Wiley, or Archer, or Cash, or Bobby or Cooper.